Sunday, September 6, 2009

Bye-bye

Now you're gone,
I realize my love for you were strong,
And I miss here and now your gone,
I keep waiting here by the phone,
with the picture hanging on the wall,
Is this the way it's meant to be?
Only dreaming that you're missing me
I'm waiting here at home
I'll go crazy,now you're gone
There's an empty place in my heart
Without a warning it could break apart
It won't heal and everything someday
I will think bout u everyday.

What are we supposed to do?
After all that we've been through
When everything that felt so right is wrong
Now that the love is gone.

There is nothing left to prove.
No use to deny the simply truth
Can't find the reason to keep holding on
Now that the love is gone.

-----------------------------------------------

When My mom was admitted to hospital yesterday,
I told her about my mom.
And she asked me whether she should visit her or not.
You should ask yourself whether you should visit or not.
Although both of us no more love-relationship
At least you visit my mom,
Don't tell me, she's not a good mother/woman.

Everytime she called me, she will ask how had you been doing.
Do you know that?
Sometimes she played message with you asking bout studies.
Do you think my mother ask suang only?
When you told her where you study(current),
She will surf the internet and
check whether the college is recognize by government or not
Do you know that?

Do you think all this time she don't really care bout you?
You're the first person(no blood relationship) she really cares about.
Because she cares about your future.

When now is your turn to take care of her. .
But it seems that U don't really care. .
She's laying on the hospital bed.
At least you should pay a visit.
Be thankful and appreciate what she had done to you.
It will be the last time you will be visiting her.

But its alright now.
It's my fault for choosing the wrong path.
Now then I know.
No matter how much you love a person,
We must put our family as first priority.
Because they always be there when we are sad/happy.


Thank you mom and dad and my siblings.
For everything.
Taking care of me, etc.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

those were the time. .



Let me tell you how me and my girl met :)

My life was pretty normal until I met her.
Everything changed became extraordinary.
Our love getting stronger by each day.
We always meet each other mostly everyday never missed once
Unless I got reasonable reason.
We always smile to each other before we start our conversation.
I feel like my heart is belong to her.

Our memories were everywhere in Miri,Kuching and Marudi.
You named it. I can assure you.
I don't know why I loved Tnay Pei Yin so much
I can't describe my love towards her. .
Our love was like the sky's the limit.

As time passed by, our love getting lesser. .
although we used to meet everyday,EVERYDAY!
why could this happen??
why can't we let our sweet times stays forever?
like the old times? How I wish I can turn back the time.
But I can't. Argh! feeling depressed!

Baby,do you still remember when we always quarrel?
In the end, I will say sorry to you and ask for forgiveness.

When one of us is sad,
We are always be there for each other...

Do you still remember when I start to move to kuching and U'r at Miri?
You guys hang out at sea-horse and u order nasi lemak that night.
U suddenly cried because I was not there to eat cucumber for u.
How I wish I was there to wipe ur tears and eat the cucumber for u

Do you still remember when I worked for papa?
It was damn tiring although I learned some experiences
about how to choose good fruits.
Too bad I work for 1 week because I got backache. lol.
How I wish I can help Papa work when I'm free again.

Still remember when rocky died?
U called me from Miri while I was studying at Kuching.
U cried non-stop. I was so sad for you, how I wish I was at Miri
and hug you asking you not to cry anymore cos all living things can't live forever.

Do you still remember when my grandfather passed away?
I keep on crying and think all the things he had done for us.
You were there to comfort me and hug me.
Asking me not to cry anymore and wiped all of my tears,
But u'r the one who cried instead,
In the end, I was the one who comfort you.
I still remembered you told me this,
no matter much tears come out from our eyes,
It won't bring back the dead to life again.

Do you still remember when u drove my car to class at night?
And u knocked the beam. You were crying when u called me.
I scolded you for awhile doesn't mean I don't love u at all.
When u reached home, I looked at the car
and you keep say sorry to me.
I said it's ok baby :)
And there you are, smiling at me and hug me.
You used to call my car - Little Red

Do you still remember that you used to call my laptop, Lappie?
I laughed and ask why you give a laptop a name?
And you answered me, Cos I sayang your stuff like how I sayang You.
I just smiled there :)
How I wish you will call me and asked how is lappie now. :(

Do you still remember when I went out with my cousins and I didn't tell you?
You were so upset at me. Actually, I went out to buy a piggy doll for you.
You were happy when I gave it to you. And guess what?
U gave it a name- Oink oink.
I smiled and laughed alone for awhile.
You always made me happy when you create a name for non-living things.

Do you still remember when we at kuching,
You always ask me out for a movie and I refuse to go.
As time passby. .
We keep on watching movies at star cineplax. . .
Until one day, you don't want to watch movie with me.
I was so sad but I showed my smiley face sometime.

Do you still remember the moment before we go to bed?
You always ask me to sleep first because you were so busy
with your Restaurant City. I did try to stay awake and wait for you.
In the end, my dreams made me closed my eyes.
And the best part is you kissed me at the forehead when I sleep.
How I wish to see you kiss my forehead before I sleep.
I still remember you said that I was like a cute baby when I sleep
and u called me a monster when I woke up.
Same goes to you, but yours was the other way round.
When you sleep, no one can disturb you if not you will blow out of your mind.
When you're awake, you were as sweet as a candy.

This is the part I like to do. Bullying you!!
Do u still remember those time.
I bullied you till you cried(sometimes) and I hug you and ask for forgiveness.
You smile and gave me a hug and ask me not to bully you again
But I can't resist because I like to see your cute face when you're sad.
You were the cutest girl I ever met. :)

When comes to cook, you like to boil chicken with sour vege soup.
Although it taste weird, we still eat it and finished the whole bowl.
Sadly,You don't want to cook anymore after I keep complaining the food you cooked.
Now I regret for what I had done and no one cook the soup for me anymore.
How I wish you are still here and cook for me once again. :|

When we go out together, you like to hold my hand and squeeze it sometimes.
But I let go of your hand,scare that people will say us. But u never care what people will say about us. Cos this is love.
How I wish you can hold my hand again and I grabbed it tightly
And don't want to let it go. Sigh~

When we at home, you always do the house chores for us mostly everyday,every single day! The house never have a black spot. I always make it dirty and u scold me.
In the end, u still clean it for me. Now the house is already in a mess.
Although I always clean it but it wont sparkles like how u clean the house.
How I wish I can help u clean the house and learn how to clean like the way u clean it.

Do you still remember when lunch time,
I always tapao food for you.
And u told me " 1 vege 1 meat is enough "
Sometimes I scare it wont be enough for you.
So I tapao extra meat for you.
How I wish I can tapao food for you now and always.

Do you still remember I always tell you that I'm lacked of money?
It's true baby. The next day, my parents will bank in to me.
And you said I always lie and in the end, I still got money to use.
Sometimes, I said I got not enough money because I wanted to buy stuff for my own self and sometime for you.
How I wish I won't say those words to you again.

Do you still remember I always play DotA with my friends and let you home alone
because you don't want to kena san chu? I can't believe I was that bad and now I stop DotA-ing already. It's been 4 months I didnt play dota.
How I wish I was there to pei you....

Do you still remember before I go to mama house eat some meal.
you will call mama and ask her to ready cold water just for me.
JUST FOR ME!
Cos you know I really like to drink cold water.
How I wish to drink cold water with you again.

When I always complain I got backache or muscle pain.
You were there to massage my leg and my body.
Although I can't feel anything but It was great.
I was so happy because you willing to massage me without any fucking complain!
How I wish I was there to massage you back~ haih.

After I finished class, you will always wait downstairs for me to get back home.
There you were, smiling and hug me. And u said u miss me so much.
How I wish you were here again waiting for me infront of the door and hug me like the old times....

Tnay Pei Yin,
How I wish you always by my side till the day I breathe out my last breath.
You were special to me. To me, you were one of a kind.
How I wish to turn back the time and spend time hugging and smiling to each other.
You were the best thing happen to me.
How I wish you are here right now, beside me!
I really need you. :(

Tnay Pei Yin!
I hope u can listen to me right now and forgive me for my bad doings.
I know I don't have a good attitude.
No matter where you are,what you do,
I still love you!!

Tnay Pei Yin,
No matter what, our memories will always stay deep,deep inside my heart.
This is because I love you so much.
Wo zhen de ai ni~

Sunday, August 30, 2009

I am Darren Stanley

I just wanna let u know that I'm also human.
I do have feelings and a wonderful heart.
But it saddens me
cos U treat me
worst than how human should treat each other
I dunno how to describe how u treated me.
Its even worst than how I treated u last time.

Maybe for you its nothing cos u're the one
who don't feel the pain of what I'm going thru. .

Suddenly the black history flash back to my mind,
When we started to fall in love with each other. .
I was given a choice whether to choose u or not. .
Then I think for the future. .
Maybe it's worth it to go with you. .
So I give it a shot. .
I had to went thru all the hard times. .
Because I know it is gonna be worth it to be with you. .
Although U don't know what was really happening that time. .
I rather not to share with you and keep it inside my heart. .
So that we can share our love. .

That moment WAS the happiest moment of my life.
I know I found the true love and it will last long. .
Although we keep on quarreling
At the end of the day, we forgive each other. .
And it makes our love grow even more stronger. .

Most of the time I keep on imagine how will our future be. .
We will be living in a big city. .
with big incomes,big house,luxury cars,having kids,
happy families. . .

And that is my problem, I imagine to much. . .

I thought it will be a long relationship. . .
I said to myself that I want to engage with you after
I finish my diploma studies. .

But everything has become ashes just in a blink of a second.
It was so unbelievable for me. .

Because of that unwanted things happened to me,
I can't sleep well. .
I got no appetite to eat. .
I can't study for my test. .
I can't even pay attention inside the class. .

Anyway,who cares about me right?

My main point writing this post is to tell you people out there how I felt
today. .

I went to her house this morning
just wanna give back her belongings
that she left at kuching. .
I knew she was at home. .
But her siblings lied to me and told me that she was not at home. .
I was shocked and just shake my head and passed her stuff to her sister. .

Suddenly, she called my phone for the first time after the "epitome" of break up
and asked me not to dp stupid stuff.

Let me ask you guys. . what should I do?
act nothing happen? thats impossible for me. .

We didnt even settle this matter in a proper way cos she was avoiding me since.
So she asked me to meet her at parkson food court where a lot of people
having their meals plus the noisy environment.

Do u think we can settle it properly?

I don't think so.
I told her to go better place
so that can have a better conversation.
She gave me 1 hour to talk to her,
unfortunately,She dont even wanna look at me and busy with her phone calls.

In the end our conversation last for 5 minutes
and she told me she gotta go help her friend to do some work. .

After that "1 hour conversation", I went out with my friends. .
Later that night, ah juang called me and ask me to join him at alfresco for happy hour. Indeed we were having fun. .

Then,I met miss "1 hour conversation" at alfresco. She act like nothing happen between us. Just like a cannibal who had her stomach full..

So I messaged with her but she was busying talking to guys who surrounded her.
And there she was. .Acting like Miss Universe wannabe(sorry for being harsh)
What I want to do is just talk to Miss Universe from Sarawak.
And she ask me not to interfere with her life and ask me go home
at the same time purposely showed the message to a guy.
I got nothing to say to her. .Really treat me worst than my brother treat his puppies. .

I was damn angry to myself and gave back her passport pictures and went home. I was wondering why am I so stupid chasing a girl who don't really loves me after the past 3 years. I really dunno where wanna put my face. LOL. If she wanna act cool. Then go on. I'm not gonna stop her anymore. I just wanna see how far can she go with that kind of attitude. Best of luck! :)

So i said to myself - One day she will realize it and regret for what she had done.

Like they said-If u treat people badly, other people will treat u even worst. Just mark my word.Cos I went through that before

Monday, August 24, 2009

Another chance would be better

As life goes on I’m starting to learn more and more about responsibility
I realize everything I do is affecting the people around me
So I want to take this time out to apologize for things I have done
And things that have not occurred yet
And the things they don’t want to take responsibility for

I’m sorry for the times I left you home
I was on the road and you were alone
I’m sorry for the times that I had to go
I’m sorry for the fact that I did not know
That you were sitting home just wishing we
Could go back to when it was just you and me
I’m sorry for the times I would neglect
I’m sorry for the times I disrespect

I’m sorry for the wrong things that I’ve done
I’m sorry I’m not always there for you
I’m sorry for the fact that I'm not aware
That you can’t sleep at night when I am not there
Because I am in the streets like everyday
Sorry for the things that I did not say
Like how you are the best thing in my world
And how I'm so proud to call you my girl

I understand that there are some problems
And I am not too blind to know
All the pain you kept inside you
Even though you might not show
If I can apologize for being wrong
Then it’s just a shame on me
I’ll be the reason for your pain and you can put the blame on me

If and only if you would give me another chance
I would appreciate it more
Everyone wont realize the good thing had already happened
Until its gone

I wanna be with you. .

I know they wanna come and separate
us but they can't do us nothing
You're the one I want and
I'm continue loving. . .

Cause you considered wify
and I'm considered husband
And I'm always be there for you. .

You got that kind of love
that always make after fussin
And that make me closer to you.

And no one knows
Why I'm into you
Cause you'll will never know
what its like to walk in our shoes

And no one know,
the thing we been through
Can never measure up to
half of what I put
through

That's why we'll break through

And I don't care what they say
I'm gonna be with you
I'm gonna be with you

I wanna be with you
And I don't care what they do
I'm gonna be with you
I'm gonna be with you

Seems like every day that goes by
things are getting harder
Want to be the one that give you
the whole enchilada

Cause I know what my baby like. .

All about knowing you I'm
into doing things to keep you longer
Sticking together forever,
watch you grow stronger

That's the way it has to be,
everything proper
Keeping it always true. .

You are everything in my life
see the joy you bring
And ain't no one I compare you to.

And I know that you will
never walk away from me
no matter what
And that's why I plan to do
the same thing for you

And I want you to know
that I love you so much,
Tnay Pei Yin

Thursday, August 20, 2009

I'm Sorry




Oh I had a lot to say was thinking on my time away
I missed you and things weren't the same

[Pre-Chorus:]
Cause everything inside it never comes out right
And when I see you cry it makes me want to die

[Chorus:]
I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue, I'm sorry about all things I said to you
And I know I can't take it back
I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds, and baby the way you make my world go round
And I just wanted to say I'm sorry:

This time I think I'm to blame it's harder to get through the days
You get older and blame turns to shame

[Pre-Chorus]

[Chorus]

Every single day I think about how we came all this way
The sleepless nights and the tears you cried it's never too late to make it right
Oh yeah sorry!

[Chorus]

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Just for you. . .



I missed the time when you were at kuching with me. . .

I hope that I can spend more time with you in the future. .

Take care of yourself ya. .

Love,
Darren